i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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