I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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