it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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