theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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