My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
