I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
