I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
