Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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