If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm both gender and math confused
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
