If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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