I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
