There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
