you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
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Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
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The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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