Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I'm, like, this ðŸ¤ðŸ¼ close to buying crocs
And you're also ðŸ¤ðŸ¼ to never putting your dick inside me again
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