You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
