She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
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