Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
