after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
