omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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