Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
