Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
