Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just high enough for therapy.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
