capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
