sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.