elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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