i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS