I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine