Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
