just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
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Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
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I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...