k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
