Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.

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  (607): You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar? (405): No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before. http://tfl.nu/y495
  Replies (6) Good night (745) Bad night (1604)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms

  (712): View more from Iowa

  Oh God

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship

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  (515): Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms (712): Oh God (515): I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship http://tfl.nu/mj00
  Replies (31) Good night (1247) Bad night (2129)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator

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  (503): The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator http://tfl.nu/5qfu
  Replies (37) Good night (646) Bad night (5417)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.

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  (703): just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december. http://tfl.nu/2oxo
  Replies (46) Good night (2211) Bad night (6006)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...

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  (425): I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results... http://tfl.nu/tn0b
  Replies (14) Good night (1222) Bad night (7905)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.

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  (609): One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em. http://tfl.nu/70jy
  Replies (35) Good night (6827) Bad night (1106)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.

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  (270): they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone. http://tfl.nu/t9of
  Replies (8) Good night (4387) Bad night (927)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick

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  (608): he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick http://tfl.nu/43v1
  Replies (17) Good night (5966) Bad night (1212)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music

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  (+44): could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music http://tfl.nu/hszo
  Replies (7) Good night (2443) Bad night (898)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.

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  (860): This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night. http://tfl.nu/namk
  Replies (2) Good night (1692) Bad night (883)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.

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  (+44): I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles. http://tfl.nu/lwcx
  Replies (5) Good night (3195) Bad night (795)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.

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  (978): rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home. http://tfl.nu/3qi1
  Replies (8) Good night (1239) Bad night (641)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.

  (216): View more from Ohio

  this is the second day in a row.

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.

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  (330): I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza. (216): this is the second day in a row. (330): Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then. http://tfl.nu/tsfk
  Replies (6) Good night (2150) Bad night (845)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.

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  (301): Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging. http://tfl.nu/m3cv
  Replies (7) Good night (1664) Bad night (595)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.

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  (479): I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself. http://tfl.nu/jsbo
  Replies (1) Good night (449) Bad night (236)

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