If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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