I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
