i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
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I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
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I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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