Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
40s are totally the cure
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
