belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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