I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
