Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
