people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
