three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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