Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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