Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
