I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
