is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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