just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
