he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
