Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
