dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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