I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
