I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
