i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
