Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
