One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
