Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
