somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
