just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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