Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just blew my weed a kiss
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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