He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
why does every cop we meet know your name?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
