I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
