Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
