Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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