Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
