I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
