Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
