We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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