It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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