lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
