I'm so fucking centered right now
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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