He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
