OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
