that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
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