One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
