That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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