happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
