Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
