Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
