Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
