Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
