My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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