man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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