hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
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And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
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When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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