I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
