hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
