I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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