How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
